25 years old, ready to grow and glow!
I always planned that after my bachelor’s degree studies I will be a young girl shaping her life towards what I wanted to be and working hard to have what I needed and wanted, that would be starting at 24 years old and at my 25th birthday, I would be on the right path towards that. I said at 25, I would be growing personally, professionally, and especially starting to be financially stable to support myself, my family, and later after people in need. It went well in line with what I had planned and even better as I was working with friends and working in a field I enjoy, that was the best work career I could ever wish for.
Throughout my entire life, I was not the sick type of person, so when I started losing weight I did not think that It would be because of health issues. People around me noticed it and I did too but I could tell myself, it is fine it won’t hurt you losing some kgs. But that slowly changed as I started hating myself as I did not love the way I looked, it even scared me too much when one day I realized I lost 3kg in one week. I was like I am not doing anything to lose that much it is just happening and I did not know the cause. So one day I went to see a doctor, after some medical exams on that same day I was told I have diabetes. I did want to believe that it was not possible for me to have such sickness, I am nearly never sick, I came here on my own, I am fine. That is what kept popping in my mind till I Had the fourth exam results from different Hospitals.
That was so hard to digest but it was my reality from that time on. I went from Doctors to Doctors for more checkups to know if there were no other health issues for me to be treated accordingly, fortunately, at that time there was nothing more. Through that time I spent more time on that than on the other part of my life which I was beginning to shape, it lead me to miss some opportunities and also reached a point where I did not do anything, even things I did could not work as expected, like nothing was going right in my life and on top of that my family was very worried and I hated myself more for making them worry, I should be the one helping them and now i am adding to their worries with my sickness, i should have taken care of myself, i said to myself. But later on, I knew I had type 1 diabetes, so I was sick not because I did or did not do what I had to, that should have eased my culpability right? But It did not.
I knew I was sick in December 2019, in our country we had the first total lockdown due to the pandemic in March 2020. The lockdown, with fresh news for my sickness, was the worst match ever in my life. I went in a period where I did not want to be me, Sandra. Nothing was going well, even one thing I could hold onto, going to work meeting with people who could help me forget for some hours my sickness was no more. I did not want to speak to anyone at all; yes, I did respond
to calls and messages but I wished they stopped reaching out to me. I even stopped trying to grow professionally and personally after receiving negative responses from all the applications I did either school or work-related. During that time I could also blame myself for giving up, it was not the worst thing that happens in the lives of humans but there I was not feeling okay. Later on, I slowly realized it was fine to feel bad, that was part of me too.
Even if I was sick it never came into my mind that there were things I would stop doing, especially work-related. I was so confident about that. I just needed to stand up and create that opportunity that will help me improve my life. Yes, people around even my parents put barriers on me but I always said to myself I can do that. I remember one day my mother saying to my brother that he should not let me do more of the house shores as then I could not do as much as I used to because I was sick, that sounded like I won’t be doing any work again as they were already dismissing me from simple daily house chores. But as days passed I got to realize that in case you have the same illness as me you can continue your life routine and take of yourself, especially letting people around you know you are sick so that in case of a low blood sugar level, they know how to help, cause this is even fatal in case you do not get help in time. Know that we are capable and we can still live our lives as long as we do not forget to live by our current health situation.
You are wondering how I am doing now right?? Well, fortunately for me I did get out of that bad emotional phase if I can call it like that, and the people I wished stopped reaching out to me were the ones that helped me. One day I did this common thing of writing down what I have and what I do not have and I realized that there is one thing that I did not lose: LOVE. I felt love and care from so many people and I decided to hold on to that and smile again, to be the self I once loved and it worked! It was not an easy thing to do but slowly I got better emotionally. I did struggle and I still am, we all are struggling from one thing or another in this life, that will never change, but again we owe to ourselves to try and be okay and be happy.
Whenever we feel like we are not able to hold on to our lives, let’s try to find what to hold on to even if it is one thing, hold on to that. Remember also that if we feel we are not okay, it is fine not to be, just remember to move on from that and continue your journey. Also reach out to people you know, even if it is a call or a simple message, we never know we might be doing more than saying hello and saving someone. I am here almost two years later and I am starting to see my way now. This is my time and you will have yours too for that thing or that someone you have been wishing to have or to be. It did not happen when I planned to, but it is happening and I am ready to grow and glow.